What’s broken?

Get a box. In it goes: KT tape, Biofreeze, a tennis or lacrosse ball, CBD salve, Epsom salts, hydrogel heat/cool patches, a heated neck wrap, a small foam roller if it fits.

Congratulations. This is your rehabilitation box.

Hygiene: tell the dirt ball to stop putting dirty little fingers in the eye and spreading it to the other one.

Humidify at night (a few drops of eucalyptus/camphor/mint in the humidifier, doors closed). Steam the little dirty face by day: hot tea, warm bath, or saline nebulizer. Chamomile tea in the sippy is a bonus.

Not clearing in a week? Goldenseal drops (precious), 3× a day. Then wash your hands and buy yourself a book — you just saved the world again.

Warm water, pinch of sea salt, pinch of baking soda, stirred. Breathe through your mouth, tip your head, pour through one nostril till it runs out the other. Swap sides. (The shower is the right venue.)

Forward fold to drain, blow your nose, then massage: forehead, where the eyebrows end, the dent by the ears, under the cheekbones. May you breathe easier.

Roll the knot around on a tennis or lacrosse ball. Slow. Breathe.

Favorite CBD salve afterwards. Repeat as needed.

No swelling, just hurts when you move a certain way? Warm it up and get the blood flowing. More Epsom salt baths, yay!!

Hydrogel patches + heat. The rice sock goes in the microwave 60 seconds, then on the sore spot.

After a couple days: foam roll it 1–2×/week and KT-tape the nearest joint.

Ice/Biofreeze for the first 48 hours. Prop it on a pillow several times a day.

Swelling down? KT tape for support, and soak it in Epsom salts 15–20 minutes (a big bowl works for ankles and wrists).

Light cardio only for a week. The high-intensity class will survive without you.

If the pain makes you want to throw up or pass out: Urgent Care or the ER. Today. Now.

Mom’s tired of cleaning up that mess and you’re too big now for her to lift onto the bed.

Empty it. Racks out. Yoga mat for your knees — non-negotiable.

Unscrew the big spinny bottom arm by hand, toothpick the clogged holes. Find the filter (phone pic of the model sticker, look that thing up), scrub it out, detail-vac around it if you’re feeling thorough.

Reassemble, then scold everyone who was part of the problem.

Tools in the bag, bag across the body, ladder up. Open the garage door if you need light to fix the light (yes, really).

One or two screws, loosened just enough to flip the plastic down. Out with the old bulb, in with the new. Let there be light!

Get a grabber tool. Fish out the offending item. That’s it, that’s the fix.

Clean the sole with alcohol (cloth and water will do in a pinch).

Goop on, spread with a long toothpick, wipe the excess, masking-tape it shut overnight.

Wear, and enjoy not hearing your shoe flap around.

The recipe: 6 parts coconut coir (rehydrated), 1 part vermiculite, 1 part perlite, a handful of compost per gallon pot. Works in raised beds too.

Desert plants: half the compost, sub in a little sand. Feed everything a good organic fertilizer.

Hard truth: some plants just need watering more often. No soil fixes neglect.

Two serums: one for lengthening in the morning, one for conditioning at night.

Be a bit patient — 2–3 months. But then it’s game on.